When College Kids Come Home for the Holidays

HomeParentingCollege LifeWhen College Kids Come Home For the HolidaysThis page may contain affiliate links.Nov 27, 2019As we approach the holidays, many college students are headed back home for the first time since summer. This can create a combination of joyful anticipation and some trepidation for both young adults and their parents. Without a doubt, the act of a child leaving home shifts the family dynamics, and this can be deeply felt upon a first visit back. The purpose of this article is to make the journey backa little smoother. What to Expect When College Students Come Home For the Holidays 1) Turkey is so gross. I want to make Tofurkey also known as,You dont know me;I’m not the same person I was before.† The gift of a successful college experience is that students can be exposed to worlds they never knew existed and then try some of these ideas and sensibilities on for size. Students may come home declaring they are suddenly vegan, rejectingreligionor embracing it, changing their political views, doing wild things to their bodies in the form of tattoos and piercings, they may have colored their hair a trendy shade of blue or purple, are newly inhabiting interracial, interfaith, or cross-cultural relationships, perhaps with a newfound desire to study abroad in the country of origin of thedatingpartner, or they may come out as gay, lesbian, bisexual ortransgender. The trick for parents to remember is that some of these attitudes and behaviors stick and some don’t, so it is really not worth getting overly hung up on, attached to, and critical of every preference, style choice, andidentitypivot or shift. Parents would be well served to think back on their children when they were very little to remember how some core qualities, interests and choices have remained intact throughout the years and how some things change. This same young man may no longer be interested in Pokemon cards and this same young woman likely abandoned Dora the Explorer in favor of staking out her own terrain. My advice to parents is always: be curious as to who your children are becoming and cut them some slack as they spin around and twirl out new ideas and identities. In the same way parents were likely interested and entertained by their infant’s expressions, their toddler’s new words and gestures, or their school age child’s curiosity about a new idea at school, parents are well-served by bringing this same spirit of curiosity to interactions with their adult children. Some issues are sure to press hotter buttons in families and carry with them more lasting consequences depending on how they are currently received, such as the announcement of interracial or interfaith dating orcoming out as LGBTQ. If parents want an enduring relationship with their adult child, they will likely need to work through any discomfort they have on their own, perhaps with a therapist or in a supportive community. 2)What happened to my room? Oh, well,whatever, leave me alone, I want to spend the whole weekend seeing my friends anyway. Students oftenreturn home expecting and wanting everything to be enshrined.They are often shocked or distressed to learn that their bedroom has been transformed into a home office, studio,or gym. But, life must go on when they leave home just as life goes on at college. Still,the push/pull is tremendous, with college students often wanting the sense of achildhoodsanctuary with all adultprivileges. At college, students are regularly making decisions on their own, some of which would thoroughly aggravate and upset their parents, but once back at home, students still need the practice of making their own decisions, living with the consequences of them, and advocating for themselves.College students will function better at home whenparents respect their adult child’s privacy and refrain from babying. Of course, one of the biggest challenges to having adult children back at home is the basic issue of day-to-day scheduling and an invocation of daily manners. This is where it is good to sit down face to face and have a real exchange about expectations around things like: time with friends,curfews,sleepingin, work schedules, household chores, car sharing, meals, technology use, and family outings.College students need to remember how their behavior impacts others. 3) Stop asking me so many questions! Its natural for parents, relatives, and family friends to ask students a barrage of questions about the college experience that may include how much s/helikes the college s/he chose,his or her intended major and/or minor, grades earned so far this term, potential for study abroad, choices related to joining in on Greek life, thoughts of staying on or dropping off of an athletic team, intended plans for summer break and jobs, and even questions about post-graduation. After awhile this can feel like an inquisition. During office hours, students often tell me that they worry in advance about how overwhelming this might feel; they share concerns as to how much they will be judged by their parents to the extent that their parents could withhold certain things like tuition or spending money if they decide on a major that is different from what they believe their parents want or earn a B or C instead of an A. Also, students express fears of being judged, misunderstood, and alienated by their parents for experiencing emotional turmoil. Students whose parents were aware of struggles that they faced in high school such asdepression,anxiety, drinking andself harm, are particularly reticent to let their parents know of any ongoing issues and struggles. Similarly students whose parents were unaware of issues in high school are especially concerned about worrying their parents and tend to be protective of their parents. Other students claim to not want to tell their parents forfearthat the parents will not understand them, will force them to get outside help that they dont want, or prevent them from getting help that they know that they do want and are not sure their parents will support it. 4) I hate college; I want to transfer/drop out. Such thoughtscan produce intense reactions from parents and understandably so. A lot of time, energy and money goes into the college decision and the transition to college. But, it is perfectly normal for students to want to transfer. Over the course of twenty years of teaching, the majority of first year students uttermurmurings of wanting to transfer at least at some point. Often, it is just part of the process of the first year and nothing to be alarmed about. Some students decide that college is not right for them or for theirgoalsanddreamsand while this can produce real anguish for many parents, this too, may be a healthy decision so that students put in effort, passion, and energy that approximates or matches the high cost. 5)Lets notplayFamily Feud. We are living at a tense and volatile political time and we have experienced chasms in families and friendships. It is reasonable to anticipate that conversations about this may emerge around the dinner table. Parents may discover that their child has acquired new ways of looking at the world, some of which may stand in stark contrast to ideas that they, as parents, hold dear. We have heard about hate speech and hate crimes emerging on college campuses and in our communities and we have witnessed some school leaders sending letters to students and families about zero tolerance for such oppressive acts. Just as most parents would opposebullyingbehavior in elementary, middle, and high school, it is important to understand that the current bullying behavioris on the same continuum. Rather than judge the schools stance, it might be helpful to the student to be curious about what is going on on campus in terms of classroom discussions, activities, rallies, and protests and to hear from their perspective how they are experiencing these events. 6) â€Å"I can’t wait to get out of here and go back to college.† If your kid wants to go back to college, this is reason to celebrate! Remember the anguished junior and senior years of high school, weighing the pros and cons of various colleges and touring different places? Wanting to get back to college means students chose a place they actually like and can call home and are engaged in crafting a vibrant life for themselves. This article previously appeared in Psychology Today.

Culture Vs. Society. - 1241 Words

Culture vs. Society Submitted by Class Date Introduction Throughout the 20th century, the anthropological views of culture have evolved significantly. Anthropologists view culture as the learned and accumulated experience. A culture of a particular community or society integrates the socially transmitted patterns of behaviors characteristics of a specific social group. However, the definition is still evolving with some scholars defining culture as the knowledge, beliefs, art, morals, customs and another element of life acquired by an individual in society. Kroeber defined culture as a mass of learned and transmitted motor reactions, habits, techniques, ideas, and values. Since Krober’s definition, anthropologists have defined culture in several other ways, although the core elements of Kroeber’s original definition are still relevant. Most o the modern definition of culture agree that culture is learned, widely shared, is responsible for most of the differences in ways of thinking and behaving and is essential in comp leting the psychological and social development f individuals. Cultural anthropologists often use the term when emphasizing the unique or most distinctive aspects of a specific group’s customs and beliefs. For instance, when we refer to Japanese culture, it refers to whatever customs and beliefs the Japanese people share that make them distinct or different from other people. In this scenario, the definition does not imply that theShow MoreRelatedAmerican Culture Vs. American Society1496 Words   |  6 PagesAmerican Culture in comparison to Australian Culture American society is incorporated of traditions and conventions including language, religion, food, expressions and patriotism. 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Crab Boy, King of the Kid-Crabbers free essay sample

On a little beach in South Yarmouth, Massachusetts, I was once known as Crab Boy, King of the Crabbers. Some of my happiest memories are of my familys summer vacations to the Red Jacket Inn on Cape Cod. The first summer I spent at the Cape, I was a baby. My family tells me I was fascinated with sand. I couldnt resist scooping up a clump and putting it in my mouth; it didnt taste good, but that didnt stop me. I loved the beach, and I loved the sand. The following summer, I discovered there was more to do at the beach than eating sand. I could dig in it and tunnel deep down. I could spread my wings and try to fly with the seagulls. Then one day, something amazing caught my eye. I looked out at the water toward the jetty, a forbidden place for me. We will write a custom essay sample on Crab Boy, King of the Kid-Crabbers or any similar topic specifically for you Do Not WasteYour Time HIRE WRITER Only 13.90 / page To my astonishment, I saw older kids pull a creature out of the rocks and put it into a bucket. There were creatures in the rocks? I couldnt contain my excitement, and I rushed over to them. They let me look in their bucket and there was an animal with two claws, a crab. I dreamt of the day when I would be old enough to go down to the water on my own and catch crabs. Finally that day came, and I didnt waste any time. I ran to the rocks, my new domain. Some experienced older kids taught me to use mussels, one of the crabs favorite foods, as bait. One boy shouted, Watch out for the crabs pinchers! Equipped with my large bucket and shovel, I was ready. I was fascinated by the sea and its abundance of creatures. After preparing my bait, I stuck my hand and a mussel into a crevice in the rocks. I was nervous. I didnt know if I would catch a crab or if the crab would catch me. To my delight, I felt something grab the mussel. My first crab! I put it in my bucket and found myself instantly fond of these strange creatures. Like me, crabs could easily be tempted by food. As the day went on, I discovered I was a natural crabber. Eventually, I stopped using mussels for bait. I would just stick my hands into the rocks and pull out crab after crab. I was the best crabber on the beach and kids came from all around to see the boy who caught the most crabs. They called me Crab Boy and asked me to share my crabbing wisdom with them. Now I was the teacher, but the master still had to learn the ultimate crabbing tool, the secret of the chicken leg on a string! I watched a man drop his drumstick into the crevices; when he pulled it out, several crabs were attached. He gave me a chicken leg and my crabbing efficiency increased tenfold. I looked with pride at my bucket of crabs; they were my treasures from the bottom of the ocean. As each day came to an end, unlike the other kid-crabbers who brought their buckets to their rooms, unwilling to part with their prized catch, I wanted my new friends to live full lives. I went down to the ocean, and one by one, I said goodbye and released them back into the ocean in the hopes of seeing them again the next day or the next time I returned to the Cape. My family no longer vacations on the Cape, and I have not crabbed since my last visit, but I consider my adventures on that little jetty among the most important moments in my life. This was my period of discovery during which I opened my eyes to the natural world. Getting my first glimpse into a world that existed beneath the surface sparked my fascination for science and the environment. If these amazing creatures existed so close within my grasp, close enough to find, but far enough to have to search for, what else was out there to discover, to learn about, and to hold in the palm of my hand? Like the crab to the chicken leg, I was caught; my quest for knowledge had begun.